HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
