Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
