At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize