Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
