Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
