it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
