return my video game
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
