Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The best revenge is premature balding
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
