I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
