That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
