Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
