ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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