she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize