I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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