Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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