i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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