I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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