went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
