tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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