She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
