I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A bitchslap is in order.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
