the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
