I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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