gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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