Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
