counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we're making bets on your personal life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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