He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
