the day after is always just damage control
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize