My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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