Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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