I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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