I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
