Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
