I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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