is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
