The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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