hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize