she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize