Duck Duck Cougar?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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