Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
