Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
dude. I can hear the air.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
