Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm like, not good at living.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
