great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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