So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
