I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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