..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
