If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
