ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
