Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
