Everything about him screamed your future.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
