A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
