Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
