hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
