no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
