Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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