So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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