I seem to have left my pride at pride
if only i could text you this smell
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
