you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
