yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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