I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
