he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
