It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
