I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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