youre lurking in front of me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
