I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize