I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
