I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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