i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
