I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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