I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize