My nipple is on Facebook.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
