The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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