I'm so fucking centered right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
